GLASS-HALF-EMPTY POST. COME BACK LATER.
Welcome to the Freak-out. I am freaking out. This is me in my freak-out. I am freaking out about everything, and everything freaks me out. I have been informed that I'm not the only one who's freaking out and this freaks me out.
So I'm leaving in under a month, and I have hardly touched my room. Why? Because then I would have to accept that I'm actually going, and actually getting ready to go.
I don't feel like practicing and studying today, because then I'm really taking my exam and I'm really that much closer to leaving and having no plans towards a birthday that's going to suck and a going away party that has not had a thought put towards it.
What am I doing with all my extra time?
Sleeping, pouting, crying, waiting, grumping, grouching, moping... and mainly being silent.
Everyone must be freaked out because I've hardly spoken two sentences to anyone today. I don't want to be around anyone cuz then they'll ask me what my problem is and then I have to think about what my problem is and then think about having to deal with what my problem is, and I don't want to do that.
I don't want to. And I don't want to type out what it is because then I have to think it while I'm typing it and see it written out and read over it again when I proof-read to make sure it all makes sense when it doesn't make sense to begin with so forget that.
That was a very satisfying run-on sentence, which is about the only thing to satisfy me today besides playing guitar and singing excessively loudly and passionately when I should be saving my voice for my singing lesson tonight. But as we can see, I don't rightly care.
This day was doomed to begin with.
And singing in the Spiritwood skating rink where I gave up skating to pursue singing was... yep, freaky. I could put details, but I don't feel like it, so I'll post some captions when I get my pictures developed.
OK. Slightly calmed. I need chocolate. I think I'll go for a walk to the Sev. That's something, which is better than nothing, and there's nothing else I feel like doing.
FREAKYNESS (That was an easy one)
So I'm leaving in under a month, and I have hardly touched my room. Why? Because then I would have to accept that I'm actually going, and actually getting ready to go.
I don't feel like practicing and studying today, because then I'm really taking my exam and I'm really that much closer to leaving and having no plans towards a birthday that's going to suck and a going away party that has not had a thought put towards it.
What am I doing with all my extra time?
Sleeping, pouting, crying, waiting, grumping, grouching, moping... and mainly being silent.
Everyone must be freaked out because I've hardly spoken two sentences to anyone today. I don't want to be around anyone cuz then they'll ask me what my problem is and then I have to think about what my problem is and then think about having to deal with what my problem is, and I don't want to do that.
I don't want to. And I don't want to type out what it is because then I have to think it while I'm typing it and see it written out and read over it again when I proof-read to make sure it all makes sense when it doesn't make sense to begin with so forget that.
That was a very satisfying run-on sentence, which is about the only thing to satisfy me today besides playing guitar and singing excessively loudly and passionately when I should be saving my voice for my singing lesson tonight. But as we can see, I don't rightly care.
This day was doomed to begin with.
And singing in the Spiritwood skating rink where I gave up skating to pursue singing was... yep, freaky. I could put details, but I don't feel like it, so I'll post some captions when I get my pictures developed.
OK. Slightly calmed. I need chocolate. I think I'll go for a walk to the Sev. That's something, which is better than nothing, and there's nothing else I feel like doing.
FREAKYNESS (That was an easy one)
posted by CrazyNess @ 8:02 PM
2 Comments:
At July 25, 2005 9:53 PM,
Heather said…
OH ness, I send a hug. Thats about all I can do for you. But I will remind you to go back and read a comment made by your wonderful boyfriend a while back- about change and how ur gonna move and its gonna be great, and your going to look back and wonder what u were so scared for. Do you remember that comment??
At August 04, 2005 2:55 PM,
Anonymous said…
Well, little one, you should ALWAYS try your best to verbalize your freaking-outedness. To me in particular, although it's funnier to just read your blog. But do go ahead and get some of this off of your chest. You know I'm always here.
Reach deep down inside and find your flagmatic and listen to her! She's the one who's like: Everything will be ok. You can trust God. Just follow the Holy Spirit and gel. Improvise. Expect an adventure. You're cool. You're doing great. Do one thing at a time and just enjoy each moment. You won't get the "moving away from home = independance for the first time in my life" feeling ever again. You only get that one once! Enjoy it. You will look back on this next year with GREAT fondNess - I guarantee!
Time to cry
FRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Good thing you're not being gutted like Braveheart, but you get the picture.
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