For the guys

Ok. I know I should have posted right after I got home, because everyone was waiting to hear about the marvelous things that went down. Well the main thing is that our friends totally decorated our room (mine & MJ's) with posters, streamers, and Canadian and American flags. They also vacuumed our room and made our beds. I felt so loved beyond belief. Wow. I really do have two homes. It's about time I start recognizing this as a blessing and not a curse.

The thing is, I'm so ticked off right now that I can't accurately give you a run-down when my mind is totally on something else. First of all, I'm ticked off that someone went over my head and had the nerve to ask my sister something that they should have asked me.

Ok. Boys.
You need to leave me alone.
Boys.
Past, present, future for the next year and a half.
Cut
it
out.
Seriously.
You don't realize how cornered I feel.
I can tell the difference between being a supportive friend and having ulterior motives mixed in.
I was not born yesterday.
I've been flirted with
Hit on
Buttered up
Put on a pedestal
Enough
And it ends now.

And I know I haven't been perfect.
I have said one thing and done another.
I have teased and toyed with ideas.
I have not always shown you that I'm serious about this.
For that I really am sorry.
For how I have hurt or confused you, I'm sorry.
I hope you can believe that without me saying this to your face, because I can't right now.
I can't foster intimacy in a situation that calls for it to be vacant.

Please stop thinking I'm something special.
Please please please.
And no, that's not a little cry for some guy to take me under his wing, and show me that I really am special and that he's the one who's gonna be different.
I mean what I say, and that is not what I need. And I don't care if you think it's what I need.
I need you all to stop.
I need you to be my friend.
Not my best friend.
Not my special friend.
Not a friend who says he is my friend but won't let go or believe me when I say it's really not gonna happen.

Ladies and Gentlemen of God, please pray for me, cuz I really really need it.
I would not be offended if you said I have brought this upon myself.
Unfortunately, the enemy knows my weaknesses and he loves to kick a girl when she's down.
I am learning.
I am praying.
I am trying to let God change me from the person I was.
I could really use help from my guys by you all treating me like your sister. No, not just treating, but actually thinking of me that way.
Not just saying that you do.

In case there's still any confusion left: it's not gonna happen. I will help you by making this more clear. Please help me by understanding and accepting it.

And FYI, emailing my sister to get a reaction out of me is not cool. Again, not born yesterday.

FrustratedNess