Half AngryNess

Part 1
Okay, first of all, I will have you know that I have tried creating two separate posts in the last few days and my computer wouldn't let me post them, save them as drafts, copy and paste and save... nuddin'. Why? Cuz it hates me, and it thinks it's the boss. It will only be proving this, if this one doesn't go through, and if it doesn't, it's the sledge-hammer for this stupid 'puter. Yeah, that's right, 'puter. Read it and weep. Read it, weep, and obey! It thinks it's all smart cuz it's got all my friends whining at me new post new post! when really, if it were thinking straight-- which it's not, cuz it's effed-- it would realize that I'm in demand, and it's not, cuz it's stupid and nobody likes it. Ha! And now I've probably got it all mad, and it's gonna consider not letting me post this one, but there's those menacing words to read over and over... sledge hammer... sledge hammer...

Part two coming soon. I'm not gonna bother typing all the rest out if I can't even post.
So here: a little tease until I decide to give S.P. (Stupid Puter) more attention in writing part 2: DelightedNess.

Signed, not S.P.'s friend, but yours, definitely,
Half AngryNess

Replacement Post

There's a lot to be said for subtlety...
Future reference: when I don't right-out and say something, I probably don't want it right-out and said.
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HOT OFF THE PRESS VOLUME SIX
IS NOW AVAILABLE BY REQUEST

You guys know what this means...

There are always people who drop by without telling us they're here.

Well, for the few of you who read my previous "vent", before it's prompt removal, I keep the same title here:
-ApologeticNess

P.S. Check out the newest addition of "people I like to stalk"!!

In My Element

I walk in the room through a side door holding a guitar that isn't mine. Everyone cheers and goes nuts.
What?
I turn and say "Well, wait until I play something, at least!!!"
They go nuts again.
I go up on stage.
I say a single word into the mic.
"Hi."
Everyone cheers again.

Okay, so now everyone here thinks I'm cool, and I've obviously built up a huge reputation at this place, when really it's just that about 15 of my friends from the Wesley Foundation are here.

I start to play, and everyone watches.
Everyone shuts up and listens.
They cheer.
They like me, they really like me!

This is my Utopia.
My God-given Utopia.
This is me in my element.
There are two times when I feel most like myself.
One is worshiping God.
Two is being on stage.

Getting to do the first by doing the other is an amazing privilege.
God, never let me forget that all I do and live and breathe is for you and because of you.

Singing for God...
This is my Utopia.

I come off stage sweaty and satisfied.
Well sung, well played.
Most importantly, well received.
Thank you my friends.
I can't say how amazing that felt.

-SweatyNess (Ewwwww!)

FACTS:

Okay, so after having my last entry entirely slammed (Just kidding Ther), I've come up with a new format to tell you what's up with me today.

FACTS:
*I bought a new tank-top a few days ago. It's pink and lacy.
*I'm playing at an open stage tomorrow.
*Tuesday I'm playing at a place called "The Well" (www.thewelluk.blogspot.com)
*Wednesday I'm helping with prayer ministry @ "See you at the Pole"(prayer gathering)
*I'm wearing a green ribbon in my hair.
*I would like to lose 15 pounds.
*I conked myself on the bridge of the nose with a guitar tonight.
*It really frickin' hurt.
*My neighbour Katie is awesome.
*My hair really needs to be layered.
*I have kitchen duty this week, Tuesday to Thursday.
*I really really missed my friends today.
*I like tapioca pudding.
*I don't like refried beans.
*I'm dressing up as "The Ugly One" for Halloween.
*If you don't know who that is, then you should go to www.homestarrunner.com
*I can't think of anything else to tell you.

InformativeNess

Notice me, Horton!!

"I have wings
And I can fly
Above the moon
And far beyond the sky..."

Sometimes we feel all alone in the Universe.
But we're not.
And sometimes people hurt your feelings, but they don't really mean to. Sometimes it's the last thing someone wants, but it happens anyway. Sometimes people don't say anything simply because they don't know what to say.
But some people really do notice.
Some people notice you.
They see you enter the room, and they see you leave.
And they care if you hurt or not. Even if they can't be there to tell you.
People can't always be everything we want them to be. Sometimes they play a different role in our lives than we want them to.

And I've learned that that's okay.
I don't need to change that.
And I don't need to tell you.
I don't need to tell you why.
But... I notice you.
I do.

ObservantNess

...but you've got a melody...

Georgia
Georgia, the whole day through
Just an old sweet song keeps Georgia on my mind
Georgia
Georgia, a song of you
Comes as sweet and clean as moonlight through the pines
Other arms reach out to me
Other eyes smile tenderly
Still in peaceful dreams I see the roads leads back to you
Georgia
Georgia, no peace I find
Just an old sweet song keeps Georgia on my mind.
-wistfulNess

Southern Hospitality

Okay, first of all, let me just say that I just assembled an entire rolly-office chair by my self, on which I am now sitting. Yep, I'm a jenius. With a capitol "J".
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Okay, so on to the content that relates to the title.
You have not seen hospitality until you've spent some time with a small-town Eastern Kentucky family. These people not only put MJ and I up for the night, gave me a new toothbrush when MJ used mine by accident (bringing the total number of people who have used my toothbrush up to three), and fed us breakfast; they also took me to a soccer game, to the library, let me borrow their books, treated me to lunch at my first authentic Mexican restaurant (I'm not talking Taco Bell here!!), and drove me around in their convertible for the day. And never thought anything of it.
These grand events took place while Mary Joy was teaching at the MAC, where I had an interview yesterday. Part of the interview process was for me to teach a private lesson to a girl in front of Krys (Yes, that's pronounced "Chris") and Jennifer, who would ultimately decide if I was to be hired on by the MAC.
Ok, now I'll put it together a little better:
When MJ drives out to the MAC to teach, which is two hours away, she stays with a student's family over night, because she teaches there Fridays and Saturdays. I had an interview on Friday, and on Saturday I got to hang out with one of her student's family. Making sense?
And FYI, the scenery is amazing.

Oh, and...
I got the job.

I walked out of the MAC this afternoon and looked around. Left to right: trees. Up and down: Mountains and sky. I felt like my life is beautiful. I'm starting to feel like this really is my life, and pieces are starting to fit.
...It feels like happy.

HappyNess :)

Nightmare on Millpond Road

So I had my first babysitting job yesterday. I mean, first "real" one, apart from the glorified babysitting job I've been doing for four years.
scenario: Three kids. 1. Six-year-old boy with 10 year-old intelligence: Taylor. Smart kid. Very fun, very social. Likes to test your authority and patience.
2. Three-year-old boy who is entirely hard to understand: Wes. Speaks in one or two unintelligible words at a time. Taylor translates. Thanks, Taylor.
3. One-year-old girl running a fever: Olivia. Switches hours on and off between being entirely happy, and crying every five minutes over everything.
Diaper changing: Easy.
Reading new kids' personalities: Entirely hard.
So I was quite nervous and felt quite incompetent, although I didn't show it, for the first few hours. How much does a baby eat? How often do you change their diapers? How much structure do you plan for two young boys who are very very different?
Thought I must have done a horrible job, because the boys seemed disinterested in all the cool things I came up with doing.
After-math: Their mom said Taylor said I was fun and we got to do lots of cool stuff. Wes apparently pouted for some time after I left.
What have I learned? Some kids just are not as outwardly excitable as a classroom of five-year-old girls, but they still seem to think I'm cool.
So will I do it again? Heck yes. I love getting the experience of doing new things. It's only up-hill from here.
Verdict: Not a disaster after all.
*VictoriousNess!!

My computer looks infected.

Good news is I finally have internet in my room. In other good news, I don't have to pay for it. "Ha ha ha." (In Delia-style).
Bad news is it looks ill. The colours are gross. My blog doesn't even look happy. I think it has gangrene. And malaria... Yes. Gangraria.
Most exciting part is I wrote a new song!!! But it is not open to the general public.

Public Service announcement:
Newest edition of hot off the press!!
HOT OFF THE PRESS VOL. 5
is available by request only

So if you would like a copy of my newest and long-overdue lyrics, tell me so in your comment, and I'll email you, telling you of the good fortune. What? I dunno.

Before today, I felt like a used-to-be-songwriter. Then God got me up at three in the morning to give me lyrics and melodies. *sigh* Just like old times! It's good to be back.
Oh! And I used the notebook the Paulgaards gave me, the hand-held recorder the amazing Minis and Expressions gave me, and the songwriter's kit my 'rents gave me.
I'm surrounded by you guys all the time, and you make me sing.

**CrazyNess is writing!!**

Enough about me.

Let's talk about you.
How are you today?
Is life treating you well, or do I need to drop-kick it for you?
Is starting a new year as hard on you as it is on me?
Are you a little stressed, a little anxious, tremendously excited?
Are all of the wonderful things in your life the same things that hold you back?
Are you trying to find a balance between too much space and clutter?
A balance between lazyNess and eventfulNess?
Are you entirely too busy and too free at the same time? And the most confusing part is that both of these are positive and negative at once? Is your life an entire juxtaposition, contradiction, oxymoron?
Are you living a double-life?
Or are you leaving one behind, and foolishly clinging steadfastly?
Is your entire identity wrapped up in the thesis that it's impossible to know who you are?
Or do you realize that it's imposible to not know who you are, because whoever you are is who you are?
Do your own thoughts confuse you?
Does nothing make sense?
Do you scream in silence?
Are you the most content and fulfilled and frustrated and impatient with yourself that you've ever been?
Do you know what your own expectations for yourself even are?

Cuz if you don't, then you might be just like me.
I guess it's all about me after all.
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This is not self-pity.
It's poetry.
Don't take it too seriously.

My thought for today:

EXCITING = FRIGHTENING

anxiousNess