...and a dog.

So last night I shared my room with, of course, MJ and Delia. And also our dear friend Marissa- it was nice to see her. When I woke up in the morning, Zethy was sleeping at the foot of the bed, which was a nice surprise, because he hasn't slept in my room since MJ came home and took up his side of the bed. He used to sleep and cuddle with me all the time, and I miss this. I really don't mind sharing my room. It's a little messy right now, which sux, and I can't find anything it seems, but half of that is just me not putting my laundry away (which I just finished doing, so hopefully I'll have more luck). Another part of that is Jonathan relocating everything as he sees fit.
The only thing that bugs me about it is when I want to go to bed, but I can't because someone is always inevitably having a deep conversation in the room. I either don't have the guts, or I'm too nice, to kick them out. One or the other. Well actually, it's because once you've decided to do someone a favor, you commit to it, and it's no longer being held over the person's head as a favor. I really am happy to have MJ and Delia around. And once I say "My room is your room", then it really is, and I have no right to kick anyone else out of their room.
I'm just sick and achy right now, and everything's irritating me, and I'm grumpy and downtrodden about everything. Once in a while I wish I could have just my little cuddly male companion in my room. Or Zethy, when he's on the road. *wink wink.
But then other times I wish I could just hog MJ to myself. We were starting to have a deep, much-needed conversation last night when Delia and Marissa came home. Which was okay, because it's always nice to have them around too. I dunno. I'm babbling in circles. My head is all snuffled up and it's clogging my brain. Gross.

Show tonight for the kiddies. Payment for Nessa. It's all good.
I'm going to go straighten my half-wet hair. And maybe eat some chocolate. Jealous?

SnuffaluffaGUS

Sleep is for the weak!!

Or so I am told. But now I am slightly under the weather, tired, achey and sore-throaty. So I have concluded that I am definitely weak, and yes, sleep is for me!!

Jon crushed my cowboy hat. I was perturbed. I reshaped it as best as I could. I am wearing it to rehearsal tonight.

I am looking forward to Michelle's birthday!!! Except that she hasn't given me any sort of clue as to what a list for her may include this year... hint hint *couch couch*

As for me and my 22nd birthday is August, I want rolly shoes. I know you hate them, Bob, but that doesn't mean I can't want them. I really want them. There are probably things I need more, but they sure do look right up my alley.

My vocal-therapist is very pleased with my progress. Today she tape-recorded me, and even said after listening back, that I did "fantastic!!!" Which she never says, so I felt very very happy.

I am actually wearing my own clothes today. I know, can you believe it?

Time to eat and go to work. I am wearing make-up again. It is fun, with the new purchases and all, half of which I can't find, but I'm sure they're around here somewhere. Probably under the piles of my three-girl room.

SporadicNess (I had no idea how to spell that.)

"My Favorite Part About Camping." by Vanessa G.S. Nelson

I love the beach. I love the walks. I love the campfire where we sing show-tunes and pop songs (Go Spice Girls!!). I love the company. The relaxation. I love the sunny afternoons and the mellow evenings. I love the sun going down and the crickets coming out. I love Michelle chopping wood. I love making crappy camp food such as bush pies and Zoodles.
But there's something about the mornings. I actually get to see them. This is my favorite part. There's no dingy, disorienting basement room with no windows, to keep me in bed longer than I should be. You fall asleep to the laughter of your companions, and awake to the sun entirely flooding your tent. Or maybe it's the unbearable tent-absorbed heat that pries you out of your sleeping bag and makes you flee to the outdoors. Or sometimes it's the sound of playing children that lifts your eyelids and makes you feel like shouting "Shut up!!" every time you hear a tone-call: "You can't catch me!" But whatever it is that happens to get me up, I don't mind.
Sometimes everyone wakes up around the same time. This is cool. Other times I awake to find that everyone else is still snoring, and I quietly leave the tent for the solitude and comfort of the calm outdoors. I don't mind being the only one up. There's so much peace and joy to be out in nature, away from the demands of work or parents. A morning walk, or a morning song takes the place of the traffic buzz. Time doesn't exist out here. There is no schedule, no drone or routine that makes me reluctant to start the day.
I can't sleep in when I'm camping. And I love that.

Here's to this summer, and the camping trips to come, with old companions and new.

-Don't bother having a fight when you're camping. Slamming the tent flap just isn't satisfying. Or so I'm told, in not-so-many words.

NostalgicNess

Good news... Bad news...

Okay, so I was expecting a very high mark on my music Harmony exam, but I was a little worried about my Analysis. I was hoping to pass. Well the bad news is that I only go 80% on my Harmony, which is good, I suppose, it's just that in my humble opinion, I was freakin' awesome on that exam, and was hoping for higher. Oh well. This news is totally made up for by knowing that I not only don't have to redo my Analysis, I actually got a 72% on it. Really freakin hard exam, so this is happy news. Yay! They must have marked the Harmony really hard. But I'm still proud of the work I did on it. I'll know how they came up with that mark when the exam gets mailed back to me-- Yeah, that's sweet eh? Ever had a final mailed back to you??!! Suckahs.

I had the most wonderful and vital time with Brennan, like you wouldn't believe. We grew so much these past few days. What an incredible boyfriend. And friend. And person. I went to the two HOJA elementary school shows today. The guys were really awesome. I beam with pride every time I see Bren on stage. So, he's the one who's been working hard and looking hot doing it, yet he takes me aside after the show to tell me I'm amazing.
Yeah. This is my jaw dropping.
Well, I'm gonna go spend time with MJ and Delia. I have to find out what the plan is re: Mylo tonight.
And Bob, you totally pegged it. "No time! Must see Brennan! Must neglect Blog! Ahh! No time!!!!!"

Q: How do you get an elephant into a Safeway?
A: You take the "S" out of "Safe", and you take the "F" out of "Way".
Bih-chuz.

Love and Mush!!!
EccstaticNess

ps> My frickin spell-check isn't working cuz my computer sucks and it won't let me look like I'm a good speller. Forgive any possible errors, please.

Country Road

"When you go down that road
There's no turning back
And when you go down that road
It's plain to see that
From out of this bleeding world
There's nowhere else I'd rather go
Then down that road." -Leahy

This morning I drove Mary Joy out to a lady's house in the country because she got an "odd job" cleaning house for her, and I'm the wheels.
First of all, we had hardly passed the Grasswood Esso when the car started sputtering. I look down, and, oh yeah, I had reminded myself last night but this morning had forgotten that I was basically out of gas. Gas that I had put in the tank and hadn't even used because I haven't had the car in a week. So anyway, we turned around at the next available place. The car was so low on gas that the pick-up was horrible, and I didn't think she was gonna make it. Well, she made it, and $40 and a near heart-attack later, we're back on our way.
It's been raining for days and this dirt road off the highway had become a mud road. Scariest drive ever, probably, trying to stay on the road, and not get stuck at the same time. Making sure to go not-too-fast and not-too-slow, but just the right speed to avoid catastrophe. Of course, every time the car fish-tails there's only one name I call. So I drop off MJ and head back.
On the way back by myself I'm just praying to stay on the road, and not get stuck. Most horrible road I've ever driven on. Then God says to me, "Do you have to be this scared for me to get your attention?" I don't talk back, but listen for once. My knuckles are basically white on the steering wheel. The last few days I've been feeling so sorry for myself and spending so much time thinking about "What am I going to do?!" that I have been entirely ignoring God's input.
So then something happened that I'd been hoping against. Another car appears up the road. I'm thinking "Oh no!" because I can hardly keep from swerving off when I'm driving directly down the middle of the road. (The ruts are water-filled and/or too deep and messy to drive in.) And if I slow down I'll get stuck for sure. Just when I'm getting close enough that I'm really wanting to panic, the car calmly pulls over at a mailbox, safely out of the way. An old lady gets out of the car to get her mail, and smiles weakly as a deeply-worried young face goes by.
Then He delivers the message He's been patiently waiting to give me:

People drive down this road all the time.

In fact, this is just a short excursion. Some people live down these roads.

I get it.
-enlightenedNess

HOT OFF THE PRESS!! Vol. 4

LM

This is the year, this is the year
of hurry up and wait
And there or here
Now and then, how and when
Are up for debate

Slow down baby
Long enough for me to pray for you
And say to you

I miss you miss you miss you

And moments that we can spare
are over too soon
And some days all that we share
is the sun and moon

Sorry baby
When I feel I'm losing my mind
And I don't leave time
for you to say

I miss you miss you miss you
Miss you miss you miss you
I miss you

Now I'm counting down the last days and hours that you're gone away
Counting down the minutes, seconds, space and time
'Til I won't
And you won't
And we won't say

Miss you miss you miss you
Miss you miss you miss you
But I miss you miss you miss you
Until then

Miss you miss you miss you
Until then

Miss you miss you miss you
...until then.
------------------------------------------

Did you know an ARCT exam costs $315 to take? That's just the practical. The theory ones are $77 a piece. I entered my exam today, so I'm officially taking it!! I'll get a letter in a couple weeks telling me the date for my exam.

I'm still entirely unhappy. Just for informational purposes. But tomorrow will be fun. Yay for Princess Parties!! At other people's houses!!! Bring a sleeping bag, Bobber, I think we'll all crash in the livingroom.

Miss you all.
MultifacetedNess

Where do I go from here?

Well... recital's over, I've come down from the high, and I am just absolutely emotionally and physically drained. Today I slept in until 12:30 (not 2:30) and also napped from 6:30 until 10. The recital was really good- I still have to remember to phone and order the video. It feels so weird to be done. And knowing I'm moving away and definitely don't have my *&^% together. It's so crazy, because I've been focusing so hard on getting the recital together, and now that it's done I actually have to think about going away and making plans to do so. And this I have been avoiding. If I'm so miserable about it, then why am I going anyway? I dunno, just how I'm feeling right now, I guess. I'm just really weary. But this feels like an obligation and not something I'm even looking forward to. I'm giving everything up for this, and I don't even know what "this" is. There's just something inside of me that knows I have to do this. Someday it'll all be okay.
Just a little venting here, because I'd never have the guts to be this honest about it in front of you guys. Have you noticed I'm not looking forward to moving? Does everyone feel that way when they leave home? Is it like going away to school? Cuz that's something you know you want and need but it can be hard.
Am I crazy here? Anyway, the better part of me that knows what's good for me wants to tell you that I'm a mess and I need as much kidnapping and encouragement and kindNess as possible, because the worser half wants to be isolated and in denial. Man this hit like a brick wall. I hope I'm not like this all summer. Is there anything I can do to get excited about this huge change?
Anyway, I'm perpetually tired, and I do have a bigger day tomorrow, well a lot bigger than today, so I better go. Just needed to get that out.
Love you guys.
SadNess

Cryfest

As I was telling Michelle while I dampened her shoulder, it wouldn't have been such a big deal if our last class was a Level 1 Beginner Class. I would have said "See ya!" and flew out the door.
But it just had to be our Level 4 Advanced class. Half of these girls I've taught for four years and they just happened to be spectacular at everything they did tonight. I cannot express how incredibly proud I am of these girls. They are the essence of what I'll think of when I look back on the Express days... Wow, I can't believe I'm saying that.
I've spent the last hour just trying to calm myself down. My little Nessa nose is all red. The last two times through "Stand Up" I was tearing up and trying my best to conceal it so the girls wouldn't get distracted. But of course the harder you try not to cry the harder you cry. And then of course we have to practice "I Can Breathe" and of course they sounded fantastic and looked so beautiful. I didn't make it through their first spin before I had to stop singing. And of course the dance teachers just had to join in and dance their part and little Miss Vanessa is a sobbing mess sitting on the bench breathing it all in.
To top it all off at the end of class I get words like "You are inspiring" and "You're my hero" from girls that I have watched grow up. How is a girl supposed to not cry?
I'm really glad that I'm taking time to cry, though. I remember that I was so busy before highschool grad, that it all passed me by, and the reality never really hit. I spent the next two years getting over the fact that I was no longer in highschool.
I love my job. And yes it's still my job!! At least until Sunday. And sort of through the summer. I love my girls. And my friends. And I sooo couldn't sing "I've got my kin and my friends" without bawling.
Tomorrow it's all focus and back on track...ness. And Saturday, and Sunday. Expect another bawlfest on Sunday. And maybe Monday if I'm feeling real woman-like.

Of all the things I've believed in
I just wanna get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

...Good-bye to you
Good-bye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.
(Michelle Branch)

-tearfulNess

Laminate Me!!

So Mary Joy was trying to figure out what LM stands for. This was the best she could come up with. Or at least the one that made me laugh the hardest. I like having a secret. So as long as a certain Cuff doesn't reveal all, it's all good.

Hot off the press Vol. 4 coming soon!

So Rachel is here now. (MJ's friend from Switzerland) And yeah, she's awesome. Very culture-shocked and tired and emotional, but still awesome. I mean, who wouldn't be feeling all these things? She's been traveling for 36 hours!

Tomorrow is officially the last studio day!! If it weren't for us being so busy the second we walk in the studio, maybe I'd have time to reflect on what I'll be missing so terribly next year.
Friday we lay the stage and have a couple rehearsals (for the teachers too!), then I come home to teach, and go off to Diefenbaker Park, cuz the Mini's and Expressions have their first performance at the Relay for Life. (Cancer Fundraiser).
Today I went shopping with the teachers in the morning for our costumes. Then I had a violin lesson. Marla said I've done really well this year! That means a lot coming from her! Then I cleaned house until I went to work. Went from work to pick Rachel up at the airport. Tea and chocolates (A student gave me a huge box of Laura Secords), then Blogging so Ther gets off my back. ;) Good, fun, full day. Didn't get to talk to Brennan at all. But thought about him all day. Miss him.
I saw Fever Pitch last night with MJ and her friend Dawn. It was very good. The male interest in the movie is so likeable, and at one point MJ turned and said just that to me: "Awww!! He's so likeable!!" Me: "He's so Brennan!!"
The icing on the cake is when he and our girl Drew are barbecuing in the park and he turns to her and says: "You know what?" Drew: "What?" Likeable Brennan-type guy: "I like you." Drew: "I like you too." Vanessa's jaw drops.
That's hot.

We are so having a princess party at Lork's house when I'm house-sitting. Sorry Ther, but you'll have to at least call us or something!! Bobber, MJ, Rachel, Becky, Sarah, Sarah's sister, funNess... What'd'you think?

I'm trying to Blog and talk to Balzer on MSN at the same time. My blogging is being neglected. I'm super tired. Better go to bed now. Another big day tomorrow, and the next and next and next!! Wow, I won't know what to do with myself on Monday!!

SuperNess! Da da da-da duh-da da daaaaa!!!